When you are in high school, six months can feel like forever. Just remember back to a week before graduation and how slow those last few days moved. I know it is hard to imagine, but I dated someone for two and a half years. Although there have been many life defining moments, breaking up with Jay was by far the biggest challenge I had ever had to face. My ability to move past him impacted my life in ways you cannot imagine.
Jay and I met in the summer of 2007. I knew him from school, but in that summer we started talking a lot. At that moment I felt what it was to have butterflies in my stomach and the racing heart when his eyes caught my own. I waited a long time for Jay to express his true feelings. Due to each of our encounters, I fell harder and harder for him and he did the same. For the first year, I felt nothing could go wrong, yet I was oblivious.
Jay and I embarked on a two year relationship based on fighting and lack of trust. It became more of a chore, rather than a choice, to be togheter. There was too many nights of tears, rather than smiles. It is incredible how someone can be everything you want but can’t be at the same time.
After way too long I realized that I no longer longed to be with Jay. I became dependent on Jay to make me happy. I needed him to be there all the time.
When Jay and I realized what it was we had become, I made the decision to leave behind that part of my life. It was that single conversation that changed my life dramatically. I realized after my decision how far I really had drifted. I now know that true happiness comes from within a person, not based on another individual.
But..I’m still in love with his beautiful smile..